from a talk given on Memorial Day 2015, Wishek ND

I am so honored to be here today. I did not directly earn the right to stand before you on Memorial Day. However, important men in my life have served and won this right on my behalf. My grandfathers, Grandpa Willis and Grandpa Henderson served in World War one, my father, Stanley Willis, attended Valley Forge Military Academy as a teen, joined ROTC in college, and served in the Korean War. And finally, my son, Kerry served in Afghanistan in the U.S. Marine Corps.

Let me say first: Semper Fi!

Second, I want to give  a nod to North Dakotans who served in the military, all of you gathered here and many more.  The National Guard and Reservists accounted for one-third of troops deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. North Dakota sent 2000 National Guard troops to Iraq.In fact, the per-capita number of National Guard members is more than four times the national average.

I am here, however, to tell you the story of just one soldier and his mom–a Marine from Colorado, named Kerry. He was enchanted by the military as a boy and loved to play solider games. He was at a impressionable age when Desert Shield and then Desert Storm started. His favorite toy was a box of cards, that looked like baseball trading cards. instead of baseball players, the cards had military planes, tanks, and weaponry. He learned the names of all that military stuff, and he watched the evening news during Desert Storm, enchanted somehow.

I always wrote this off as a “passing phase”. What mom can look at their beautiful young child and imagine them really going into the military. Ha ha, this will pass.  And then in high school, at least in big cities, recruiters start sniffing around the senior class, looking for recruits. I silently cursed those recruiters and wanted to run after them with my heaviest cast iron skillet, telling them to get away from our youth!

Kerry did not join then, but the call to military service would revisit him for the next three years, while he worked construction. Finally, he enlisted. And how did I feel?  Well, I didn’t know. He didn’t tell me he enlisted until a few days before he was scheduled to leave for boot camp. Kerry thought I would try to talk him out of it and he wanted to be close to departure as possible. Not that I could stop him. Anyway, Kerry called me the Thursday night before he was scheduled to leave on Sunday. I scurried down to Colorado from Wyoming for a few days, and while there enjoyed dinner with his friends, celebrated his decision and cheered him on.  I did not let on how angry I was that he didn’t confide in me. When your child goes off to boot camp, it is about them and not you. I wanted to support him every way I could.

So off  he went to Camp Pendelton for Boot Camp. I was excited about one thing: at least he was at a beautiful spot along the California coast, near friends who live there! I thought, I will get some good vacations out of this, which I did, the first time several months after he left.  I attended his boot camp graduation and I was stunned by how much he changed. It was not just that Marine hair cut. Like all the new Marines, he walked tall, straight and with supreme confidence. At the end of the graduation, when I finally got to hug my Marine, he took my arm and escorted me around the base. What a thrill. One of the best moments in my life and my pride was as big as the universe.

But underneath that sense of pride, a cold terror lodged in my heart. And that would never leave until he was finally home for good. Marines are “first in” They are the guys who are trained to first face the enemy, to go door-to-door, engaging in hand combat with evil, searching for land mines. A Marine mom has to find a way to live with that fact and still carry on with normal life. It’s not easy but it is possible with God’s help.

After boot camp, Kerry went on to train as a driver on the amphibious vehicles that Marines are famous for. We have all seen photos where the amphibious vehicles come out of big ships and deliver troops to a beach. Then, Kerry’s  first tour was to South America, participating in joint exercises, training others and being trained for jungle warfare in Columbia. Oh goody I thought! My  Marine is  cruising through South America on a navy vessel and taking R and R in Panama on Uncles Sam’s dime.  He bought me wool yarn in Peru as a gift. Now that’s what I am talking about. This Marine thing is not so bad after all, I thought. How about a trip next to Australia or New Zealand next, they have wonderful wool yarn there too.

Of course I knew deep in my soul that the day would come for active combat duty. And it did. But first, his unit was completely retrained on armored vehicles since the Marines no longer needed people to land on beaches. Wars are inland these days. Then I got THE call: Kerry was going to Afghanistan. That cold fear circulated through my body but I did what millions of military moms did before me: I prayed, I put the fear back into it’s little bubble in my soul. I rallied other family together to send care packages and letters.

Our story ends well. Kerry returned safely from Afghanistan three years ago, left the military a few months later, moved to Denver, where is working, schooling and is now engaged to a lovely young woman, Meghan

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No doubt many of you have a son or daughter, grandchild, niece/nephew, God child, friend of the family who is in the military or considering it. I am here to tell you that it is an honorable choice. Yes, they are risk , but there is risk in ordinary life. Over 140 shootings took place in Chicago on one recent weekend. Accidents happen all the time. And I can tell you with certainty, that the benefits outweigh the risk. These young people learn incredible values, including how to respect their parents, loyalty (Semper Fi), and supreme confidence. They identify with something honorable, understand truly what we have as Americans and get down to the business of becoming a man or woman of integrity.

You must support them, even if this is not your choice for your loved one. You can cope by avoiding the evening news, Reports about military deaths can send you to dark places for days. Also, do not watch war movies. I skipped them for seven years, watching the first ones this past winter. I enjoyed Unbroken and American Sniper but  I still close my eyes when people die in battle, which means that I missed most of American Sniper!

What else can you do? Listen. Listen about what they will do in combat. These young people are proud of their work. Before Kerry left for Afghanistan, he came to Wyoming on leave. We drove out to a mountain cafe for a burger, and on the way home he told  me he would be a gunner in a turret. Wow, I am so proud of you. There was more: he was the gunner in the front vehicle of their security detail. Now I could have lived without that knowledge, but Kerry wanted me to know this. He wanted me to know, in case something happened. He was proud to be given such responsibility.  He went off knowing that his mom was with him 100%

And what else? Send stuff. Learn about the climate your military loved one is in and send appropriate things. We sent large boxes of hand and feet warmers–Afghanistan is a cold mountainous country.

And, remember the rest of the young persons’ family. It is odd how it happens, but when one person is a military member, that whole family is. People are left  behind, powerless about what to do. Wives, husbands, children, moms, dads, grandparents. Now we don’t want you to burst our fragile protective bubble we live in but we can use a hug, an acknowledgement, a cup of coffee at your place. We don’t want to hear about the latest troop losses, because we shut that news out for a reason.

And also extremely important, if you disapprove of a loved one going into the military, don’t ever share that with a military mom. The words that we will fight back, the words we won’t say but we will think are these: Okay, so my son can risk his life on the battlefield but yours is too good for that?  We hear –even though you may not say it– it’s okay to sacrifice my only child, but not yours.

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So, today we remember those who lost their lives in service to their country. But  many families, are also reliving recent experiences, recent losses that are still raw. So today, let us also remember our living heroes and actively help them adjust.

• Let us celebrate with them when they return.
• Let us thank them for their service.
• Let us give them jobs
• Let us keep our eyes on them and offer a helping hand if they are struggling with hidden wounds.
• Let us never turn our back on them
• Let us give of our resources to organizations such as wounded warriors
• Give back in thanks for the safe return of your loved one

And for those currently serving, there are many ways to support them too. I learned about special programs to send books to active military. Programs to send cards. My son informed me that some service men and women don’t get mail from loved ones and those cards meant everything. If you work with young kids, have them send cards, and don’t be surprised if they get a letter back.

Thank you for this opportunity to share my experiences as a Marine Mom. Special thanks to all the vets and active service members here today and for all the families who support them. Now, I will close with the same words I used to open our time: Semper Fi!